If you really want a guide made exactly for the purpose of getting your ex girlfriend back that really does bring results, here is my 5 part mini course designed to get your ex girlfriend back. You will learn these 5 steps to successfully get her back:
- Step 1: How To Manage Your Emotions…
- Step 2: The Correct Mindset To Get Your Ex girlfriend back…
- Step 3: What You Need To For Yourself…
- Step 4: How To Examine What Went Wrong…
- Step 5: How To Get Them Back…
Before we continue, I learned all the principles I am showing you from the following site. So, I advise you learn more here:
So Let’s start…
Step 1: How To Manage Your Emotions
It is invariably an upsetting experience when couples break up. There is always a reason for the break up. This can be minor to silly or extremely major. No matter the cause of the breakup, someone is going to be hurt and/or angry. Usually both parties are very upset. There are, however, times when couples break up, then one or the other realizes that a mistake has been made and decides that he would like to get back together. There are five basic steps that a man can take to get back together with his ex.
The first step is to take a step away from the relationship. This may seem counterproductive, but it is absolutely essential to step back and allow anger to cool and hurt feelings to heal somewhat before any attempt can be made to reconcile the relationship. If one tries to push the issue before the other is ready to talk and work things out, the probable outcome will be to push the other away or make him flee in an attempt to avoid being hurt further.
Even in the rare instances where one partner calmly reaches the decision to break up, there is usually an argument or a fight when the breakup actually occurs. Sadly, one of the dirtiest tricks when fighting with someone that used almost every time is to make an attempt to wound emotionally rather than physically. The person who is hurt by the other’s decision to break up, whether reasoned out or sudden, will invariably say something that is intended to hurt the other’s feelings. The goal, it would appear, in these situations is to inflict more pain on the other person than she has inflicted on you. Often, things are said that are known to be false, but are known to have the power to hurt the other.
This is why it is so critical to take some time apart and allow both parties to cool down and do some self evaluation before making any attempt to contact the other and start making an attempt to get back together. As long as the anger or hurt is still fresh, it would be very easy to tip the balance the wrong way with a misplaced word or gesture and start the fight all over again. This would not be beneficial to either party in the long run, but emotions are not guided by reason. Feelings can cause us to do or say things that we would otherwise never dream of.
Once you and your partner have had at least a week, two is usually better, apart to cool down, it may be possible to contact one another and talk rationally and calmly about events that led up to the breakup. This initial contact should not include any attempts to shift the blame to the other party, nor to take all of the blame on yourself. The fact is that it takes two to fight and both of you have made some mistakes. The question that must be answered before you can get back together is, “Do you love her enough to change the behavior that led to the breakup within yourself, and can you forgive her for the things that were done and said before and during the fight?” If the answer to this question is “no” on either part, the odds of getting back together with your ex are dropped to so near zero that making any contact to begin an attempt is really futile.
Taking a step back from the relationship to allow a period of cool down time will improve the chances of you being able to answer both halves of the question with a “yes”. Your partner may very well be going through the same type of self questioning as well. It is important to give her an adequate amount of time to cool down and be able to answer the question with two “yeses” as well. Otherwise, the odds of a reconciliation are almost nil. Waiting a few days to a couple of weeks to allow the hurt and anger to calm can be the one primary step that makes a real difference in whether or not you and your ex are ever going to be able to get back together and grow a mature, loving relationship that is based on mutual trust and admiration. Self reflection during this period and being willing to correct mistakes and learn from them are also keys to saving a relationship.
Step 2: The Correct Mindset To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back
You have broken up with your girlfriend. Right now, you are either very angry, very hurt, or both. You may even feel like crying. As time moves on, you will cool off and you may decide that you want to try and get back together with your ex. There are some key steps to take to make this happen. The first step is to take some time to cool down. The second is to maintain a positive outlook. This is the topic we are going to explore now.
It is not terribly uncommon for people who have been in an exclusive relationship to become dejected and start to see the bad in everything around them without noticing the good. This negative outlook will have an effect on everyone you come into contact with and make you much less attractive to be around. This generally dark outlook will most definitely not work in your favor if you are seeking to get back together with your ex.
Realize that you have a life to live whether you and your ex get back together or not. Your happiness is in YOURS hands, not hers. No person can be expected to take responsibility for another one’s happiness. You may be upset, maybe even a little depressed, but do not try to lay that on your ex. To do so would only be a source of more hard feelings and reduce the chances of reconciliation.
The sooner you are able to achieve this positive outlook, the sooner you will become that person your ex found attractive in the first place, and the more likely she is to begin to question why she broke up with you in the first place. This can be one of the strongest items working in your favor. This is especially true if your ex is feeling down over the break up and starting to have doubts about the wisdom of breaking up with you in the first place.
If you are able to maintain a positive outlook and be happy without hanging on every word spoken or move made by your ex, you will find that going about the routine daily activities of living are easier each day. Oh, you may be lonely and miss the security of being in a committed relationship, but this is normal. Do not allow the sense of insecurity to grow into a problem. You do still have friends and family around who care about you.
Another major advantage of maintaining a positive outlook is the ability to take a close look at yourself and your expectations from a relationship. You may find that you were expecting too much too fast and that you have to make some changes within yourself. The odds are pretty high that this will be the case. You will also realize that not everything that caused the break up was your fault. Not everything was her fault. You both made some mistakes that can be learned from and changes made in how you relate to on another that can make your relationship stronger if you get back together.
Maintaining a positive outlook will also keep you from appearing desperate in the event you run into your ex somewhere. If you go around looking and acting as if your world has already ended, you will find that even you closest friends will seek out other company to keep themselves from being dragged down. A negative outlook can easily cause you to become truly alone.
There are many reasons to maintain a positive outlook following a breakup. Being positive will help you return to happiness sooner after a breakup and help you to realize that your happiness does not depend on your ex. It can help you to maintain a clear mind so that you can make a close self examination and determine what you really want. If you decide that you definitely want to try and get back together with you ex, a positive outlook will help you to make your interest known without seeming to be desperate or clingy. Your positive outlook will work on your ex to make you appear to be that person she found attractive in the first place and improve the odds that she will seek you out to begin the process of reconciliation. And finally, a positive outlook will work in your favor should you decide that it is time to move on with your life and find someone else by making you appear more attractive to members of the opposite sex in general.
So that’s what you need to keep in mind so you can get your ex girlfriend back.
Step 3: What You Need To Do For Yourself
When you and your ex girlfriend first got together, the odds are it was not because you were a depressed individual moping about looking as if you had just lost your best friend. In fact, it is almost a sure bet that one of the things that she first noticed about you was that you were a person who knew how to go out with a group of friends and have fun.
If you truly wish to have any real chance of getting back together with your ex, you absolutely must avoid getting depressed over the break up and moping about. You have to get back into the swing of life and relearn how to go out and have a good time with your friends. There are a couple of reasons why this will work to improve your chances of reconciliation.
The first is that it will send the message to your ex that you intend to continue to be a happy individual with or without her. This will tend to intrigue her and draw a new evaluation of you as an individual and potential mate. It is a strange quirk of human nature that makes many people want to get back into a relationship with someone after they take some time to cool down and take a close look at some of the things that attracted them to an individual in the first place. This will be especially true if the person in question is, once again, the person who first attracted them.
The second, and probably most significant, reason for this to work is that it will keep you from appearing to be a desperate person who simply can’t live without the other. That particular appearance invariably drives people away. One reason is fear that they won’t be able to make you happy. Another is just plain fear. Most of us are frightened by the thought of another person being so entirely dependent on us that we become responsible for their very life. The only exception to this is children, and even they frighten most people at first.
If you are able to maintain a positive outlook on life and be happy, you will be showing a strength that will attract people of the opposite sex, including your ex. It is very important to project that quality of strength and self reliance in order to give her the impression that you are a person that she can depend on. Most people are seeking relationships that flow both directions, not a relationship where one person depends entirely on the other and offers little or nothing in return.
Going out with friends will allow you the chance to take a look at what you are looking for in a lasting relationship and decide whether or not you really want to get back together with your ex. You may find that things have changed so much that this is not the best mate for you anymore. You can take some time to do a thorough self examination to determine what you want out of life and examine your ex objectively to see if she is going to be able to meet your needs and you to meet hers.
You may also be able to observe others around you and see what seems to work and what looks to be doomed for failure when you start making an effort to attract you ex girlfriend back into a relationship with you. These observations would be impossible to make if you spent all your time closed up in your home feeling sorry for yourself.
Finally, relationship worries aside, it is important for everyone to take some time and go out with friends and participate in activities that they enjoy. This may be sports, dancing, going to a bar, or any of a number of other things and activities that help us to regenerate our minds and bodies in preparation for performing the duties of our jobs. A person who is depressed is less productive at work and more prone to have work related problems to compound his/her other problems in life.
Allowing one’s self to become depressed and moping about the house is a sure way to prevent any chance of getting your ex girlfriend back. On the other hand, there are a great number of reasons to put on a happy face and go out with friends to have a good time. You may become attractive to your ex again. You may observe some things others are doing in their relationships. And, you may find time to examine yourself and your ex to make sure that getting back together is what you really want.
So there you have it. Keen what I am telling you in your mind and remember it in your heart if you really want to get your ex girlfriend back.
Step 4: How To Examine What Went Wrong
So you and your girlfriend have had a big fight and broken up. You have taken some time apart to cool down. You have done a good job of maintaining a positive outlook despite the situation. And, you are going out with friends and having fun the way you did before you and your ex got together the first time. Now comes the fourth, and possibly most important, step in getting back together with your ex: examining your relationship.
Several factors combined to draw the two of you together in the first place.
- What were they?
- What made you notice her the very first time?
- What features did you find attractive?
- Were there any things that gave you pause beforehand that you decided you could tolerate to be with this person?
These and more questions must be asked before there will be any hope of getting back together with your ex.
There were also several factors that contributed to the breakup. Things were going wrong in the relationship before the day you had your fight and split. What were these things? Whose fault were they? (This is not about laying blame, but about what needs to change for the relationship to work.) What happened that made your girlfriend suddenly not the one you want to be with? What happened to make you no longer the one for her? These questions must also be answered.
- The first phase is easy, remembering what brought the two of you together. You should have no problem identifying features about your ex that made her attractive to you in the beginning. We all have certain things that we are looking for in a potential mate, even if we are unaware of them at the time. Think back and see what first caught your eye.
- The second phase is not quite as easy. You must examine yourself closely and see what has changed about you that brought about the end of the relationship. Yes, I said see what you may have done that contributed to the end of the relationship. After all, you may not realize it at first, but both of you are to blame for breaking up. Relationships never start out because one person is attracted to the other without some reciprocation. They never end because one person suddenly fell out of love. There is always a series of events that lead up to the break.
After you have done a thorough self examination and identified the areas within you that need to change to make the relationship work, you can take a look at your ex. She is not a perfect individual. There are going to be some quirks in her personality that make you stop and wonder, “Is this the person for me?” You should look at all of the things you love about this person. Then look at all the things you like about this person. Finally, look at the things about this person you wish you could change. Now you have to decide if there are more things that you love and like than things you wish you could change. If the answer is yes, you must decide if you can overlook the “flaws” in your partner in order to enjoy the things you like about her.
If you are willing to change those things about yourself that drive the other person away and overlook the things in her that you don’t like in order to enjoy spending time with this person, there is a chance that you will be able to get back together and make the relationship work. If not, there is really no point in continuing to be upset over the breakup. It is time to move on and start looking for the right person for you.
Once you have examined the relationship and decided to try to get back together with your ex, it is time to call her up and arrange a date to discuss your relationship. Talk about the discoveries you made about yourself and the decisions you have made about what you are willing to try and change in order to assure her happiness with you. Apologize for past mistakes one time and let the past go. Forgive your ex for anything she said or did in the past that hurt or angered you. Do this unconditionally whether you receive an apology or not. You don’t even have to tell her about it unless you are asked for forgiveness.
Step 5. How To Get Her Back…
So it has been horrible. You and your girlfriend had a horrible fight and broke up. You both took some time to cool down away from one another. You managed to maintain a positive outlook and even spent some time going out with your friends and having fun without her. You made a careful examination of yourself and your relationship and you have decided to get back together. Now, how can you make this relationship work so that both of you are happy?
First off all, you have to realize that you are not going to have an idyllic relationship that is perfect day in and day out. You are going to fight about different things from time to time and there will be times that your partner says something that hurts you so badly that you are tempted to bring up every wrong she has ever done to you. You must avoid giving in to this temptation at all costs.
When you broke up, and even before, there were things done and said that were not meant. There were mistakes made by both of you that hurt the other. It is important to remember that you have made a conscious decision to forgive these past mistakes. Dragging them up as weapons in a fight today is not fair to you or to your partner. This move indicates that you have not truly forgiven your partner. Until you are able to do so, your relationship will be doomed to failure.
Holding on to old grudges to use as a weapon when you get into an argument is sign of insecurity that can and usually will drive a wedge into a relationship that no amount of talking or pleading will be able to remove. It is absolutely imperative to the health of your relationship that you let these old problems go and live in the present for the future. The past is gone and cannot be changed.
This works both directions, as do all things in a relationship. Your girlfriend should refrain from dragging up your past mistakes to use as a weapon against you as well. If she does drag up the past every time you have a fight, this proves that no matter what you do or change in an effort to make the relationship work, it will never be enough. She will be proving that forgiveness is not something she is ready to grant. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean forgetfulness. You will, of course remember past hurts. What forgiveness means is that you are willing to admit that the past has happened, live with and learn from mistakes, and work toward the future. You do not have to forget things that were done that hurt you in the past. You simply have to say, “Ok, this has happened. It won’t happen again, so I won’t worry myself over it any more.” From that point on, anything in the past is out of bounds and considered forgotten if not to have never happened.
Dragging up the past to use as a weapon to hurt your partner is a common mistake. It is difficult sometimes to avoid doing so, especially if there is a new hurt from your partner that you know you have never equaled or when you are accused of doing something terribly wrong. You must make every effort to avoid making this mistake, however. If you want to make a relationship work and continue to grow, you have to look toward the future together, instead of trying to tear one another down with past errors.
No matter what happened that caused you to break up the first time, whether it was a silly fight over something completely meaningless, or a fight over something major, such as one of you cheating on the other, once you have made the decision to forgive and go ahead with the relationship, you must let the past stay in the past. If the same mistake is repeated again in the future, especially something truly major like cheating, you have every right to be upset, angry, and hurt in that instance, but it is not fair to you or your partner to drag up the past incidence. You have to deal with problems in the present tense and work things out. Minor squabbles in the past are normally just that, minor. They may, however, escalate to the rank of major problems if you just keep a running total of all past mistakes and adding new ones to it. This action can lead to you breaking up again, only permanently this time.
So there you go.
That is the end of the 5 part mini course!
I hope you have taken a lot in and learned how to get your ex girlfriend back into your life. If you still need more information about what it takes to really win your lover back, then by all means have a look here: